Monday, May 17, 2010

My best friend does not know how to discipline her children, how can I help?

Both children know they can get away with pretty much anything. Her daughter (8) lies to her, doesn't do her homework, all she wants to do is play and when asked to clean up after herself just throws a fit. Mom just continually tells her to do it and eventually ends up having to do most of it herself because her daughter fights her tooth and nail. Mom's idea of getting her to do something is count to 3 but NEVER actually gets there. Dad is gone all week working so when he is home and tries to discipline she usually doesn't like it. They have a timeout bench which does nothing to deter the child, she sits there for 15 minutes or so and goes back to doing whatever it was that caused it. Her mother does not stay firm with any kind of punishment, be it taking something away or a grounding, the child knows she will get her way. I do not know how to say anything to my friend because she gets extremely defensive about her kids when I have tried before. What can I do???

My best friend does not know how to discipline her children, how can I help?
I know how this goes. I don't really think there's much you can do. My old neighbor's daughter was out of control. She was in a wreck due to drugs and drinking at the age of 16. I told the mother she should get a better handle on her before she dies. She didn't like that too much so I butted out. It's not really my business and this isn't really your business. BTW now that girl is 19 and has two kids but the mother is sure her daughter is perfect! You can't make a parent see something they don't want to see. Most parents want to think that they have the best kids in the world and no one could compare to that. Be there for her if she wants to talk, if she asks "what should I do??" Be aware she might just be saying that and not really asking you for help. IF she does ask what to do ask her if she's serious. If she is then offer some kind suggestions. Don't start off by saying how terrible her kids are...for everything bad you say try to follow it up with something kind.


For instance a child isn't doing homework. You could say "So and so is so very smart. Maybe you should set a time to do homework." That's just an example. I don't know for sure what is going on. I hope this helps. In the end, unless she seriously asks for help there's not much you can do.
Reply:MYOB
Reply:This is a really touchy subject. If your friend doesn't want to hear any tactful advice, you may just be stuck.
Reply:Keep your mouth shut and let her reap the consequences! You get to do it your way when you have kids!! Unfoturnatly, there are many parents that raise their kids the same way! No wonder things are getting so bad! Most people shoud have to get a license before being allowed to have kids!!! To many spoiled rotten brats now days!!!
Reply:time for a good ole' 5 across the eyes. That'll whip them into shape. Believe me.
Reply:If the mother doesn't want to listen then you can't do anything other than to pray for her and her children.
Reply:As hard as it is for you to hear this the answer is nothing!!I have a friend that is this way too.Her kids mind me great when they are at my house but are a wreak when she is around.I tried t o tell her but it almost cost me our friendship so I had to come to the conclusion there was nothing I could do and sadly enough I had to distant myself from her cause I could not watch it anymore.We talk about once a week now but we don't go out to much.So it sound like this is what you may need to do I am sorry I know that is not what you wanted to hear.Good Luck
Reply:You can make suggestions but it's up to her as the parent - stay out of it - if up push the issue you might loose your friendship
Reply:If it gets on your nerves, stay away from her. If she doesn't care to have the patience to do it right and be consistent then why should you?
Reply:First off sit your friend down and tell her that she looks totally lost and ask her if she could use some help and if so what does she suggest and take it from there.
Reply:i don't know if you should do anything parents get very touchy .when they feel someones trying to tell them how to raise there kids.you might just want to stay away and then when she don't see you around as much shell ask you whats wrong and then tell her,
Reply:If someone does not ask the question they will not listen to the answer
Reply:butt out
Reply:That is really hard. A tough job. I love my kids very much. To discipline them in the way I do.... is showing how I love them. Sometimes punishment is necessary. I have 6 and 5. If they did not do the homework after school, they will not get a TV time or they cant play with their friends during weekend until it finished. On the way around. If they clean the mess or behave I will give them a treat to chuckee cheese or Mcdonald. That one it helps. You know what you can do is. If you visit them bring one small appreciation for the kids and tell them if you behave and listen to your mom, I will promise to give you again next time. But condition that , You are going to check with their Mom if they are good. Make sure you will make your promise. Your friend really need help at least support.
Reply:If she didn't ask for your advice, keep out of it.
Reply:Bring up the Dr. Phil Show in conversation, and then after a while casually ask if she's read his book FAMILY FIRST -- that his ideas are fascinating: or his FAMILY FIRST WORKBOOK -- also a good read. It covers everything. Look for it at Amazon.com


No comments:

Post a Comment

 
vc .net