How do I live with the pain?

I know people think it hurts when someone breaks up with you, and it does. But it kills when someone keeps your kids form you.


I am going through a really nasty divorce, my husband beat me and through me out. I got on my feet, filed for divorce, and fight everyday tooth and nail to see my kids... the thing is, by law we both have equal rights so until the courts decide there is nothing more I can do. Hubby of course is putting off his response as long as he can.


I am trying to be strong and know that justice will prevail. But how do I cope with this hurt? Don't call me a bad mom; I am doing all I can for my babies, they are safe.


It is just twice as hard with the holidays. He has a girlfriend and I know she is with them. How do I deal with this?


He changes his number as fast as I can get it and won’t give them the letter and packages I send. For those of you who have not been through this, you can’t just go take them. You could end up in jail and lose all rights ever. Plus believe me I have thought about it, just never possible to take all four.


Once he finally picked up his papers, sheriffs were too busy to serve him even though I paid for it; he has until around the 28th of this month to respond. Who knows how long after before the first hearing?


I do ok at acting fine most of the time but it is so hard. I am a mom with out her kids, what does that make me? A nobody, I would say.

How do I live with the pain?
*BIG HUG*





I have observed the so called "justice" system..... I have a clue what you could be dealing with....


Life is sort of fair in that it is not fair for anyone.





Focus on ONE day at a time...





Maybe, If I were you, and I missed my children I would NEED to let them know somehow...... and maybe one way for you to feel like you are doing that is to make yourself a WISH book?





Write short notes of what you would like to remind them and date it: "I love you so much" 12-10-07


"I saw this today and it reminded me of you..."


"I haven't forgotten you."


"I remember when you......"





Cut %26amp; paste pictures from magazines of what you would LIKE to appear...... make a WISH BOOK. It will help you focus your energy on positives.





You are already BETTER off because you got away from him..... keep on, keeping on!





Blessings.
Reply:i know it hurts, hope you stay strong.
Reply:You have to stay strong and have the utmost faith in God and stop worrying. If you worry then you don't believe that God will do what he says he will do for his annoited. You will prevail, prayer heals all!
Reply:Why does he have your kids to begin with? If you both have equal rights, then your children should be with you. Why haven't you filed for sole custody?
Reply:Just pray everyday!
Reply:you can make it.
Reply:You're not a nobody!! First, you go right over there and just take your kids! You don't wait. If he hit you and threw you out, imagine whats hes doing to your kids!
Reply:I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you have a really good lawyer. My husband went through something similar. When we would go to pick his children up, his ex would be gone with them. No telling what she told them. Now they want nothing to do with him. One day the truth will come out, the same holds true for you. Hang in there.
Reply:Are they in school? Since you both have equal rights then they couldn't stop you from coming to the school. That may work.
Reply:You are not a nobody, you are as you said it, a mom without her kids. But what you missed is that you are a mom withour her kids...NOW. It is not permanent. This too shall pass. Take the time to heal from the abuse, you will be stronger. When you get those babies back, they will know what a good mom you are.


Good Luck, I have been there. If you need anything, you can email me anytime!
Reply:youneed to take it more to court


counsiling would help to


i am soooooo sorry i can't be of better help~
Reply:well try to stay strong..u will get your kids and justice will prevail.....hopefully..dont worry..and your not a nobody..your a mom that loves her kids
Reply:You're more than a nobody. You're a mom becoming a somebody. Learning to stand on your own feet after being dominated is something no one understands unless they've been through it. Have faith. Do you have a mutual party that you both trust to help you see the kids for the holidays? Even if it's just for a bit, it's better than nothing. Hang in there. I know it hurts.
Reply:You are somebody and this time of year makes it hard to see that when the rest of the world seems to be enjoying "Hallmark" moments.





Please look up a number for social services in your area. You are somebody who is a little lost and needs to talk with someone who can help them.





Keep strong, you are worth it.
Reply:Oh sweetie be strong I know it hurts he probably will be a bastard and hold out until the very end.





I will be praying for you.
Reply:Be strong and put your faith in God. That is what I did. ALWAYS say good things to your children about their dad. When they get old enough they will thank you for it although they will see what an a** their dad is.





IF your ex doesn't respond within the time frame allotted, the case can go in your favor especially too if he doesn't show up for court. Get a lawyer if you have too and prepare yourself for the "what if's". Never give up!
Reply:Your not a nobody . . .





Keep your head up and keep giving it your best. I'd suggest you call and get some free legal advise, fast! Unless you have a restraining order, he legally can't keep you from your children . . . sounds like you need to speak with a lawyer.





Just remember, your NOT a nobody! You are someones mother, a mother is somebody . . . not nobody. Smile mom, your children do love you.
Reply:i have never being through this before but i can definately feel your pain.


my only advise for you is to go down on your knees and pray to GOD to touch your ex-husband's heart and let him realise the wrongs he has done to u.


prayer is the master key to opening any door causing you pain in your life.


i bet your kids miss u and want you back. they are also praying for your return so do your part to pray and have faith.
Reply:I would press my lawyer for an emergency vist hearing


it is not right that he keeps your kids from you


if you did everything right as a mom


I would ask other lawyers as well for what they think


But I would go to their school and give them the gifts in person I would talk to my kids and explain that I would never leave them


You better do it soon because God knows what he is pumping into their heads


Go to their school get them out of class for a couple minutes


spend some time with them


he can't stop you from doing that.


Don't give the gifts to the dad


give them to the kids.


Good luck


Unless he can prove you unfit he's gonna have to give you rights


keep your nose clean


sounds like he just don't want to pay child support
Reply:go to church and pray to go everyday to lead you in the right direction.
Reply:file a temporary custody order that tells both what days you get kids
Reply:if he was physically abusive to you~ how the heck does he have the kids? and if you have equal custody~ o over and get them. call the cops if you have too! soundslike your not giving us all the info!


either way~ you have just as much right to your kids~ go get them spend time wit them. if he wont let you take them call the police


good luck hunny
Reply:My aunt left her husband because of abuse. She took there youngest son with her. She has 3 kids, the older 2 were in school when she left. HE got custody of the kids because he accused her of abandoment. I'm not trying to discourage you, but you need to hear the truth. This process took my aunt 3 years. She doesn't have custody of any of her kids. The court took his side, even though he got 19 contempts of court! You need to hire a good attorney! My aunt finally got a good attorney! Get a woman attorney! They will fight for you harder! Good luck to you!
Reply:You poor thing. Honestly, I think you should go to your doctor and tell him how bad you are feeling. He may be able to get you someone to talk to. Have you got any support from family/friends? If your ex is not delivering your things that you send to the kids, contact social services and tell them. report it........ I don't think that your situation (as you have written it) would be viewed as fair OR just by anyone, ever, interim period or not . You are NOT a nobody. In fact, being so strong in such a horrendous situation makes you an extremely brave person, far braver than most and you should remember that. you clearly love your kids so much and that makes you a great Mum too. My advice would be to play everything by the rules, be patient but do not sit back and be afraid either. I am a Mum and I can only imagine what you are going through. Good luck, big hug. x
Reply:You are not a "nobody." You are a woman who has a battle to fight. I assume you got a lawyer. I would think there would be something you could do in Family Court so that you could see your children now. His refusal to let you see the children now will only help in your custody case. He is proving he will try to isolate them from you, and that is not in the best interest of the children. Send him and the children mail which must be signed for, and make sure you keep the receipts, so that you have a "paper trail" to show the courts when it comes time to pead your custody case. Also, I hope you have a police report as well as a physicians report from the ER following his beating you. You need to show the court that he is violent because is he beat you, abusing his children may also be possible (or even likely). If there is a women's shelter in your area, they may be able to assist you or at least provide good advice. As for your depression, speak to your doctor about something which may help you get through this.
Reply:The courts take so long to process things but like you said it will come out good in end I'm sure. Each day just do the next right thing and then take care of yourself so that you are ready to see them when you can...
Reply:from a legal standpoint, Im guessing that he 'threw you out' through a restraining order that somehow impacted a temporary visitation, is that right? Because normally, the first thing that happens in lieu of a divorce is a Visitation arrangement. If you dont have an atty to represent you then I suggest you get one. If you cant afford one, you need to submit a request for visitation aside from the divorce petition.





...from a faith standpoint, beloved, I enourage you to draw closer to God. He is the only one that is going to give you peace through this storm. He is the only one that is going to truly comfort you and keep you from losing your mind. There is nothing that a person can do to ease your mind right now...the strength has to come from God and believe me, He will give it to you. As you are obedient to Him, He will cause even your enemies to be at peace with you. He is your Redeemer....you dont have to lash out or steal your children no.





The prayers of a righteous person avails MUCH. Seek God's face.





My husband and I will keep you lifted in prayer~
Reply:Hello,


Something does not sound right, sorry but he has beaten you and this is documented but the courts allow him to have the kids with some g/f living there more then likely as a live in nanny/bed buddy?


Another thing, never think that justice will prevail, this is a naive way of thinking. I know because I am reminded every so often that justice is blind.





Some one here has a really good lawyer, sound like you need a better one, if your lawyer needs some help the jugular vein is right here. Go get your kids back, never give up. Go to the domestic violence people, they can help you.





Make sure everything that is said or heard is documented, with prof if you have it. Get a background report on this so called girlfriend. Go after her if you find anything such as drugs, abuse of any kind. She is as big of part of this as you two are. She could make your case for you. Make sure CPS is keeping your kids safe from this wife beater. Do not ever think your kids are safe from someone who has beat you.





Keep your chin up. He knows having the kids is hurting you. Poor kids.
Reply:has either one of you filled for temp custody of the kids? it sounds like you haven and if not you need to do that ASAP. you can file for temp custody before the divorce if finale and it's best if you do that. you also need to find a lawyer. and if you do have joint custody (with papers from the courst) he can not keep you from the kids you can take him to court for contempt. you don't need a lawyer for that, my daughter took her ex to court for contempt without a lawyer and won, he had a lawyer. and please don't do something stupid. your kids needs you now more then ever. i wish you the best of luck.
Reply:Wow, I am so sorry your going through all this! It's terrible! My uncle went through the same exact thing with his son, his wife was doing everything to keep my uncle away and yet she wasn't even spending time with their son instead she was going out and leaving him everywhere else and no matter what my uncle did he couldn't see him for almost a whole year. But just remember god won't let us suffer beyond what we can bear and if you rely on him then he'll take care of you! He is the one person you know you can always count on to be there for you no matter what! I really hope everything goes the way it's suppose to for you! I couldn't imagine being away from my baby boy. Stay strong!
Reply:try pounding back the sauce.





i did and never looked back.





**hiccup**