What do i tell my gran-daughter,ive had her since she was a baby,mums a drug addict,with no interest in her?

my grand-daughter needs more info about her mum,shes now 9yrs, but her mum , my daughter, is not bothered about her, she had two other kids who are in care now,i want to protect my grandaughter,as she was just told mum couldnt take care of her %26amp; mum asked me to take care of her,which isnt true,i had to fight tooth %26amp; nail to keep her.what do i do %26amp; say? her mum has never made an effort to contact her,saying that my daughters life style is erratic,she has had lots of support %26amp; help from various people,but


its all failed.HELP?

What do i tell my gran-daughter,ive had her since she was a baby,mums a drug addict,with no interest in her?
You have to sit down with this child and tell her mum is not well and it is better that she lives with gran..tell her that its nothing to do with her..plenty of families are different..she is loved and do not say nasty things about her mum because children do not like to hear it..You are a wonderful person to take in your grandaughter..hopefully one day your daughter will sort her self out.
Reply:adoption
Reply:I would sit her down and tell her the truth, She is old enought to know the truth and it's better now than to wait till she is older and then gets mad at you cause you didn't tell her
Reply:You ned to be honest with your grand daughter - any lies she is told now are bound to come out later and she wont forgive you for lying. She is probably at the right gae to understand and accept what you tell her without her going off the rails. As long as she knows yu are there for her. And as she has siblings in care - does she know of them? She will know it was not only her that her Mom couldnt take care of.
Reply:if you think that she is old enough, tell her the truth. She might get a better understanding of the type of person that you are, and might give you more respect if she understnads everything that you've been through. If you can, let her meet her Mom, so she can put a face to the name. Be understanding, open and understand when she is coming from as well. I mean, if it were me, thats what I would want. Good luck.
Reply:sooner or l8er ur gonna have 2 tell her.


because i think the longer u w8, the more it is gonna hurt her.


4get about the support and help- she needs the truth
Reply:Tell her that her mom has some problems %26amp; that you felt it was in her best interest to live with you because you can provide for her %26amp; that you love her.
Reply:Tell her that her mom is sick. She is getting old enough to understand. Be honest, she deserves it. You don't have to divulge all, as that would be too painful. As she gets older she will understand better.
Reply:NO WAY!! just tell her that her mum is unwell and cant look after her and her siblings, you'll damage her self esteem permanently if u tell her the truth, when shes an adult she'll make up her own mind and respect you for protecting her from her useless mother, kids are cleverer than we think and she'll know who really cares about her already
Reply:The truth... but put in 9 year old talk.... she will take in as much as she wants to... do not over protect her, it will only make matters worse...





You are doing the best by your daughter by looking after your grand-daughter... and you will have to tell her about her brothers and sisters and explain they are being looked after by other families.





That will then in turn lead to your grand daughter wanting to see her siblings...





You have to cross one bridge at a time...





Am sure there will be support groups for you and maybe counselling for littly when she is a bit older....





Good luck
Reply:tell her the truth....seriously. It always the best policy. The only time a child should be lied to is when it comes to Santa Claus and fantasy things like that. It helps build and imagination and creativity.





Good Luck....it'll be hard, but give her the moral support she'll need to get through this and it will be O.K. Don't be nasty about it and don't talk down or talk mean about your daughter to your grand-daughter. Talk in a matter-of-fact voice with a hint of sympathy for her addiction. That way the child can doesn't feel hurt and resentment toward her mother. That's not what you want.
Reply:Tell her the truth and that she is so special that you wanted her to live with you. Some people do not realize that being a mom is a privilege. Apparently you get it. KUDOS%26gt;
Reply:Well try to explain to her what really happened with her mom and why you are taking care of her. Be there for her if she needs help or just needs someone to talk to. If you wait forever to tell her what happened she might get mad at you for not telling her. My mom took forever to tell me that my dad didnt want me and the guy we were living with wasnt my family at all and i wasnt to happy about it at all it took me a while to trust her again. So just tell her the best way you can and be there to help her through it.
Reply:wait till she is mature enough to handle it.
Reply:i think honesty is the best way for a child.But it must be knw that the child must love the mother nometter what. Let her knw that her mother has a problem n with problem she cant do the thing a normal mom could do. i feel her mother loves her but it the drug thts her love right now so tell her the truth with love for both u n her mom. She needs 2 knw what drugs can do so she can ahte the drugs not her mom.
Reply:Well, if you have had her since she was a baby I'm sure she is used to the idea of you being the "mother figure" so I'm sure she trusts you. I would just tell her the truth. She's 9 so you can't really be blunt without hirting her feelings so I would just explain things to her in a way she would understand but I would be honest with her. She deserves to know and you don't want her to come back later in life and resent you for not telling her the truth about things. Good luck!
Reply:You don't have to tell her that her mother could not care less about her. Tell her that she has struggled with addiction like a lot of people and that she thought the best thing was to give her to you to care for. That way, you will not be breaking her heart as it is just a white lie and she will have a balanced view of her mother, whilst knowing the truth-good luck!!!
Reply:This must be so hard for you, not knowing what to say and how much to reveal. What to remember is that kids now understand a lot more that previous generations. You know your grand daughter better than anyone and if you think she could handle a 'simple' version of the truth then tell her.


Explain that drugs make people do things that other (non drug taking) people do. Its not that your daughter didnt love her daughter, its that drugs made her think she loved them more.


But dont make your daughter out to be a victim, she had the same knowledge of drugs as everyone else and she chose to take them.


Your grand daughter will understand how much you love her and what a fight you had to keep her. Any questions just now or rebellions in the future are just part of nature and are not aimed at you.
Reply:Dear Y


It seems completely true to tell her that her Mum is too poorly to look after her. If you can tell her all the good things about her Mum from when she was little girl and lived with you and give her nice pictures of her as a little girl. Children can want to be like their parents, so I'd not tell her anything you don't want her to try and copy. ( If Mum did it why can't I- sort of thing)


You are doing a wonderful job,can you adopt her?


M
Reply:A child should know the truth. Don't sugar coat it, nor should you make her mom sound bad. Just simply explain that her mom wasn't / isn't in a position to care for her and placed her in the best care she could, with you. If you can avoid telling her where your daugther is for now I would. But she's old enough to know that you are her grandmother, who loves her deeply and would do anything for her. Hugs to you!
Reply:Wow, what a dilemma. Listen, to be perfectly honest, I do not think that at 9 years of age she will understand the truth. It may have an adverse effect on her mental skies. Wait until she's older; only YOU know how mature and capable she is of understanding the truth. I can only speculate, as others here. But, the general consensus is that she be told, and I agree but NOT NOW. Tell her that you will tell her, and make a long letter for her and put it away for her 11th or 12th birthday. Read it every now and then and make the appropriate changes as time goes by. Believe me, it ain't easy. I have kept a few family secrets from my ex-wife that I know would devastate her... it involves her older sister that ruined our marriage. My ex-wife will not believe some of the things I know about her older sister, and I will NOT tell her or my grown daughter (she won't believe me, and she'll think that it's because I hate her or something like that... but this woman even turned my daughter against me with lies that even the neighbors KNOW are total lies). It's not easy knowing truths and secrets, I know.
Reply:why haven't you helped yr own daughter so that your granddaughter can have a mum? i went through drug addiction but never neglected my kids, they have all left home now and we have a loving relationship, without my family's understanding i may have given up but love for my kids kept me going even thought i took drugs whilst caring for them i didn't let them see it and never put it before them which is hard to do with heroin, however, if she refused your help why not try again before telling granddaughter anything, give her a chance i bet she feels terrible about it but because of the drugs she blocks these feelings out and one day she will come and upset your granddaughter with truth and then shell Wonder why you didn't help her mum nuff said
Reply:the truth .. that's what we did with our son ...
Reply:Start by telling her your daughter made some bad decisions in life and you refused to sit back and see your grandaughter be subjected to this. You did not raise your daughter to do these things, she made her own choices as an adult and it would be a perfect time to express why you are anti drugs. Let your grandaughter know she is wanted and loved very much and when the opportunity came for you to have her, you jumped on it and made sure that she is safe. Don't bad mouth her mother, say a prayer for her.
Reply:i would be honest with her to the point you feel she can cope with the information that you give her don't forget that what ever you say it will hurt her my mum has brought my sisters daughter up she is now nearly 18 and she still finds it hare to except the fact that her mother doesn't want her and her mum has gone on to have 4 more children which is the hardest part but i think seen as you have brought her up and loved her as your own you will know the right words to say to her and you will also give her the love and help and stability she will need to get through this good on you for being such a caring grand parent.
Reply:Firstly, your grandaughter is very lucky to have you. If it was me, I would say to her that her Mum isn't very well and unable to look after her properly. I think she is too young to hear all the gorey details and should be spared until an age when she can understand and accept better. She doesn't need to hear you fought to keep her, she just needs to know how much you love her and want to look after her and how happy you are that she came to live with you. I'm adopted and was lucky to be taken into a very loving family. No one ever wants to hear bad things said about theire biological parents, no matter how true they are.
Reply:im really sorry to say this but she will never change the reason i know this is because my mum fosters children and has had around 87 children and some are drug addict parents and none of the ones i have seen have ever got clean and made the efford reequired, it makes me so mad if the parent isnt gonna get clean when pregnant when is she, im afraid the best thing to do is to speak to her in a calm situation and explain everything, the longer you leave it the harder it will be and she is probably more accepting of the situation than you realise good luck