How do I get my 8 yr old to listen & realize he is only messing himself up?

I have an 8 yr old son who is in the 3rd grade. He is on a 6-7th grade reading level %26amp; a 5th grade math level. His Teacher told me he is in the top of his class. I just got report cards on Fri. %26amp; he was in the top 90's %26amp; 100's for his grades.





I am having trouble getting him to do his homework. When he comes home from school, he has homework everyday, but I will literally fight with him until his 8:30p bed time to do it....alot of the times we crunch it in in the mornings before we leave. He will fight me tooth %26amp; nail to do it, but once he does it, it only takes him 5 min's or so to do.


I have had conferences with his teacher about this. He is also not doing his work in class. The Teacher is having to make him stay in for recess to do his work. Last wk., he had to go to the Vice Principals office for lunch %26amp; recess to do work.


Whenever I ask him why we have to go through this...he says he hates school. He doesnt care if he fails. He wants to be a Historical Oceanographer,

How do I get my 8 yr old to listen %26amp; realize he is only messing himself up?
I read through the answers and the only ones i agree with are the one that says to get info on the job he wants, the mom who says what you are doing should stay constant, and the person who suggested the tutor. All three are correct in there own way.





-The "job info" will inform your child that if he keeps doing other stuff than his HW, he won't be a Historical Oceanographer.





-The mom is right that just like practice makes perfect, persistence pays off. One day, probably after he learns what he needs to know to be a His. Oceanographer, he will just comply with your wishes. Remember that he is your son not your friend, so you don't have to reason with him.





-The tutor could actually be a mentor for your son. Yes, he can learn from this person academically but he may also learn from this tutor, or mentor, to listen to you. Just a thought.





Your best bet is getting the info for the career and being persistent with what you are already doing to ensure that he will achieve his goal career.





Good Luck and I hope I could be of some help to you.
Reply:Perhaps hes just bored with 3rd grade level work. Maybe they can try him out in a higher grade level for a while to see if thats the case.
Reply:your child is probably bored and unchallenged by his schoolwork. talk to the school and try to arrange an alternate curriculum that is more in line with his wonderful and gifted abilities! ask for an IEP (individualized education program). they wil test him and see what course of action is best for him. once an IEP is established, the school will have to provide the services they say they will. its like a contract. remeber- you are your child's greatest advocate!
Reply:find info on a historical oceanographer and show him he can't do it unless he goes to school. then show him the jobs he can get without a diploma. when he thinks about whether he wants to be a janitor or not, it should straighten him up. also he needs to be grounded. like no tv, electronics or friends until he does his homework. and if you hear about him not doing anything in school then ground him for the weekend. my parents gave the teacher their email address and the teacher emails them when my brother doesn't do homework. this way my parents are always on top of what is going on. also. when he doesn good, don't be so hard on him because he does need some space to have fund. reward him for good grades and like if he does his homework for the whole week.
Reply:Have you thought of hiring a tutor to come to the house for a half hour each day?


That way you aren't playing cop all the time...you guys come home from school/work or whatever. He does what he wants and when the doorbell rings, the tutor (not a freind or family member) sits down with him, they do it together and after a quick 30 mins they are gone and he can resume his "independant" life.


As much as he wants to do what he wants, business is business and do you really think he will act defiantly toward an outside party (tutor)?





Hope it helps
Reply:HI there - I too have an 8 year old who gives me absolute hell about doing homework. So much so that I landed myself on tranquilisers because everyday was an absolute nightmare and struggle. He too is exceptionally bright and above his class and has the same complaint - he hates homework. I put my child into a homework centre from the begining of this year sothat I could try and regain some of my sanity and paid someone else to deal with the situation. He has improved dramatically and I think I shall be able to take him out at the end of this year and let him start doing it from home again.





I dont know if this would be an option for you but if it is, its definately worth giving it a bash. To be honest, I also think its a case of them testing our authority - the age that they are at, they want to be in charge and see us as trying to be "controlling".





I still dont think I have completely gotten through to my son but perseverance is the key and really, you just shouldnt give him an option. Its for his future and his success not yours - try and make that as apparent as possible and let him know that you wont back down. I think children in that age range can be the biggest manipulators but youre his mom and you know whats best - whether or not he likes it is not your problem. His well being and him being educated is though. You know what to do!


Bless ya hun xx
Reply:Sounds like he is very smart and doing so well without having to work too hard for it. He does sound like he will pass irrespective of whether he does his homework or reads. Definitely look into having him skip a grade or two and see if that challenges him.


Look at his gifts and good points and appreciate that.


There are kids who work very hard and do all that stuff and read really hard but never get those kind of results.


I do think he will continue to do well, as he may be able to just get what he hears in class and thats enough for him, but it may be good to consider giving him more challenging work than the rest of the class or incentives, such as not being able to play his games or watch tv till he does the work.Show him he can do the work, get it out of the way then move on to more interesting activities. Or have the school have him stay in class after others leave and finish his homework in school. That may be prefferrable if you are unable to control him.


And whatever he wants to be encourage him. He sounds like a bright kid that will succeed in whatever he chooses to be.


Apply the right kind of pressure.
Reply:8 year olds need to be playing, not stuck doing homework. Since he is obviously not having problems with the work don't worry about it so much. He doesn't want to do it because he finds it boring. As long as he is passing tests, what is the problem? Get off his back so he doesn't start hating school and eventually you.
Reply:Unfortunately, many gifted children act out like this and actually display the same symptoms of a child with ADD. Sometimes you just have to choose your battles and let them pay the natural consequences of their behavior. I would suggest Postive Parenting classes. I don't agree with EVERYTHING they teach, but they have some good suggestions.
Reply:He's bored..... So was I when I was his age.





He's way too young to be threatened about what this will do to his life. Relative to his age.... 5th grade is a quarter century away, and while he may want to be an Oceanographer when he grows up, there is no way to drive this home at this stage of his life.





If he gets into a situation where he is actually failing the 3rd grade because he is not doing his homework, he sounds smart enough to add 2 and 2 together and start doing it.





He does not sound emotionally ready to be challenged with 5th grade, while he may not be bored, and may start doing his homework it is not the ideal solution.





Oh, and have him checked for ADD, nobody thinks that the smart kids have it.... but its just a prevalent with the brilliant as it is with the struggling.
Reply:I would be consistent with what you are doing. Shut the TV off. Calm the household down. Sit beside him. Help him sort through what needs to be done and give him positive reinforcement as he checks off his work list. AND don't give up on him. While you're doing this you're teaching him a positive work ethic, which he will need while he is an historical oceanographer.
Reply:I have an 8 year old that sounds very much like yours. He does his class work ok but he used to fight and drag his homework out all night. We explained to him that from now on he will have one hour from the time he gets home to complete his homework and after that he had to put it away. He is getting it done with no problem and I make sure everyday I tell him how proud I am that he is already done with it.
Reply:It really sounds like he may need more challenging work at school..I had the same problem with my daughter.....Ask his teacher if she can give him harder work to do..If not talk to her about skipping him up a grade and see if that helps.

Gold Teeth